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Hilah vs. The Texas Rollergirls

Okay, okay, okay, so I know I’m supposed to be on vacation right now.

But dig this.

The Texas Rollergirls asked me to do ‘em a favor and I could not refuse. You’d have to be a FOOL to refuse a favor asked of you by the Rollergirls. Do I look like a fool to you?

Hell Naw. I didn’t think so.

So what they asked me to do is help come up with the Official Drink of the Rollerderby. Much like the Kentucky Derby has a drink (the Mint Julep), the Rollerderby also deserves one to call their own.

Hilah Johnson and RollergirlI met a few of these Rollergirls in a dark, secluded bar one afternoon and there we spoke in hushed voices of a thing called a Pickleback. The Pickleback is less of a cocktail and more of a wild and wacky way to chase shots of whiskey, which is the generally- preferred liquor of Rollergirls across the state. (Also happens to be my favorite liquor so that’s how come we got along so well I guess.) Now of course, those of you wizened to the world of cocktails will know that the Pickleback is not something I invented nor would I try to claim that genius.

As the legend goes, the Pickleback was invented in New York City, which makes perfect sense to me, given the high concentration of delis there, all of which serve pickles and therefore would provide the fine city with an abundance of pickle juice, which is what comprises the other half of the Pickleback if you haven’t yet figured that out.

So basically we’re talking: shot of whiskey then shot of pickle juice.

But that’s not really how we roll (pun not exactly intended but I’m keeping it). We hadda make that drank TEXAN, goddamnit! Somehow we had to make it special. So, sitting in the bar sampling various whiskeys, bourbons, and pickle juices, someone hit upon the BRILLIANT idea to add hot sauce. (Honestly, it may have been me but it could have just as easily been someone else. I dunno. We were taking shots in the afternoon, did I mention that?) And, of course this amazing bar that had pickle juice on hand also had Tabasco. Yes, I realize Tabasco sauce is from Louisiana and not Texas, but just go with me here. Texas = Spicy. There.

Anyways, we threw a few dashes of Tabasco into our pickle juice and voila! The Official Drink of the Texas Rollergirls: The Spicy Pickleback.

Maybe we should come up with a new name for it.

The Tickleback?

Help me out here, people. Any suggestions will be given serious consideration.

POST SCRIPT: I thank you all for your brilliant, funny, thoughtful, intelligent suggestions, but the one, true name that has been begotten this drink is The PickleSmack. Enjoy!

43 Comments

  1. Janice on July 12, 2011 at 10:26 am

    The Sickleback.

    Cuts you at the end!

    • Christopher on July 12, 2011 at 10:43 am

      The Sickleback is a RAD name for it!

      • Hilah on July 12, 2011 at 6:01 pm

        ‘Greed.

    • Hilah on July 12, 2011 at 6:00 pm

      Love this one, Janice! 🙂

  2. Great Stone Face on July 12, 2011 at 10:40 am

    the Poison Dill

    • Hilah on July 12, 2011 at 6:01 pm

      Yes. The great think about it is that you actually COULD sneak poison into the pickle juice and no one would notice … until it was too late. 😉

  3. Bev Weidner on July 12, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Bad. Ass.

    No, that’s not the shot name, but the video is bad. ass.

    Let me think on the shot name and I’ll get back to you!

    • Hilah on July 12, 2011 at 6:01 pm

      Sweet! Thanks, Bev, dear!

  4. Kidd on July 12, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    The Roller Dill
    The Hot Pickle Trickle
    The Serial Diller
    Dilling Me Softly
    The Texas Oil Diller

    • Hilah on July 12, 2011 at 6:04 pm

      Okay, Kidd.
      My favorite of these is Dilling me Soflty, because, you know… I like that song. And ALSO, it kind of sounds like “dilling” is another word for… “doing” if you catch my drift. If you’re picking up what I’m laying down.
      Also, the Texas Oil Diller is rad as hell.
      Thanks, buddy!

  5. Brady Hamilton on July 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    The Pickle Tickle
    The PWT…..not Poor White Trash…..Pickle, Whiskey, Tabasco
    Pickley Popper
    The Sour Cucumber

    • Hilah on July 12, 2011 at 6:05 pm

      PWT! PWT!
      Especially I like the part that you are reclaiming PWT for something awesome and not just something rude and mean.
      yours,
      h

  6. Great Stone Face on July 12, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Burning Cuke

    • Hilah on July 12, 2011 at 6:04 pm

      That’s a pretty awesome one. 🙂

  7. Jack on July 13, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    Love this video HJ! Some really nice editing in the beginning, too. Great job!

    I do not drink alcohol. Never. Ever. Yet… In the interest of science – SCIENCE, I tell you – I will try this unholy mixture. Coincidentally, I have some Jim Beam and pickles. PURE coincidence, as I do not drink. The full bar is for visitors, I say. Good day.

    And the ladies are lovely in a sort of I-will-hurt-you-and-your-family-sweetly kind of way. I’ll have to check them out when I head to Austin.

    • Hilah on July 13, 2011 at 10:30 pm

      Dear Dr. Jack,
      I appreciate your sincere commitment to upstanding science. I hope you also happened to have some Tabasco sauce on hand to maintain a pure trial. Please share the results of your experiment promptly. Or just as soon as you get the report written up. You know the drill: hypothesis, data, conclusion.

      Yours in SCIENCE,
      Dr. Boob

      P.S. Come to Austin!!!

      • Jack on July 21, 2011 at 12:24 pm

        OK I have returned with my report.

        Hypothesis: This drink will be detrimental to the world at large.

        Data: “Mmmm. Spicey!”

        Data: “Less pickle, more Beam”

        Data: “I am handsome!”

        Data: “Ahaha! The monkey grabs the dogs tail!”

        Data:

        Conclusion: Inconclusive. Requires more testing.

        • Hilah on July 22, 2011 at 2:24 pm

          Dr. Jack,
          Thank you for the report. I wish you the best in your future testing and look forward to reading your published work in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition or Modern Drunkard.
          Yours in Detrimental Drinking Habits,
          Dr. Boob.

  8. Aimee "Sinnerfold" Blase on July 13, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    OH MY GOSH! I couldn’t love your fans any more!! Seriously those names are fantastic – Dilling Me Softly is exceptionally awesome. And @Jack – I appreciate your dedication to science and the greater good. drink up! Also – I started reading your blog… loving it. I also used to share your dream… until I found roller derby – no more gypsy life for me… until I get all of that craziness out of me!

    The Texas Rollergirls only have 2 more bouts this season. Please come see us! I wasn’t in the video but, I am a huge fan of Hilah’s and I’m on the Hell Marys – come out and see us!

    http://www.texasrollergirls.org/
    http://www.getsmackedtx.com/

    • Hilah on July 13, 2011 at 10:26 pm

      Hi Aimee!
      Yeah, I think Dilling Me Softly is my favorite, too. But it IS hard to pick one.
      I can’t wait to see the August bout!

  9. BoboTripple on July 13, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    The Rollback…somtimes less is more.

    • Hilah on July 14, 2011 at 6:47 am

      Ooh! That’s a GREAT one!
      Thanks!

  10. darislav on July 16, 2011 at 3:59 am

    Ooohh… I was just started to think that Hilah’s show become much less about alcohol. Sorry, my bad 🙁

    • Hilah on July 16, 2011 at 7:10 am

      Ooh, I was just starting to think that your comments were becoming much less judgmental. My bad.

  11. Aimee "Sinnerfold" Blase on July 27, 2011 at 8:51 am

    So… I’m kind of embarrassed that it took this long to come up with… but, DUH!
    the name of the drink should be the PickleSmack!

    So shall it be written so shall it be done.

    • Hilah on July 27, 2011 at 12:01 pm

      Of course! Perfect-O!
      I can’t wait to down some of those bad-boys with you ladies after the bout on August 6!

      • Aimee "Sinnerfold" Blase on July 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm

        YES! plan on it!

      • Jack on July 27, 2011 at 12:30 pm

        I’m jealous. I was planning to head to Austin this summer but it looks like I’m going to Washington, D.C. next week instead… But I’ll be back in December 🙂

        Ahhhh, the tough life of a digital nomad. Deciding between hot roller girls and adventure travel.

        • Aimee "Sinnerfold" Blase on July 27, 2011 at 12:37 pm

          OK Jack – we’ll let you miss this one… but, February 2012 – I’ll be looking for you!!

        • Hilah on July 28, 2011 at 4:29 pm

          Holla at me when you get here, Jack!

  12. Lynn on August 4, 2011 at 10:26 pm

    I have several suggestions: (1) The Hotback (2) The The Zippy Pickle (3) The Fire Pick (4) The Hell-Hot Rollerback (5) Burn Your Buttback (a personal favorite) (6) The Fire Juice and yes, I could just keep goin’ but (pun intended) I shall stop with these. 🙂

    • Hilah on August 16, 2011 at 11:42 am

      Awesome suggestions, Lynn. Very creative! I feel like more than one of those names needs to be used. I guess we better get started creating more cocktails!

  13. Chris Clement on August 8, 2011 at 7:18 am

    Prickally Hot, Gherkin Ale, Tabickle Thai-1-On

    • Hilah on August 16, 2011 at 11:42 am

      I like the Tabickle!

  14. JimmyDean on October 16, 2011 at 12:36 am

    What song starts at 1:05????

    • Hilah on October 17, 2011 at 9:14 am

      That would be a song by my band, The Hot As Shits!

  15. Perrie on March 9, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    Hey Hilah,

    Diggin’ your gig! Did “The Hot As Shits” also perform that snappy little diddy at 3:45 in the video?

    • Hilah on March 10, 2012 at 3:12 pm

      Hayell-Yeah we did! Thanks, dude!

  16. sarino on July 22, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    hila, you are a delight to watch. so glad i found you. sure are easy on the eye to, great sense of humor.

    • Hilah on July 22, 2012 at 6:03 pm

      Thank you, Sarino!

  17. Mark on September 3, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Try it with Jalapeno juice instead.

    • Hilah on September 3, 2012 at 3:05 pm

      Mmm!

  18. Great Stone Face on June 15, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    Corporate America is making things easier for you. Introducing canned pickle juice:
    http://www.tastingtable.com/drinks/national/Canned-pickle-brine

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