How NOT to Make a Bee’s Knees Cocktail

Video Password: hughhefner

Well, this is interesting. We shot this video last week or something and, like several recent cocktail episodes, it was kind of an afterthought on my part; kind of “Wait! Lookit at how much (rum, tequila, gin, whiskey) I have! Let’s see what I can make from that plus these (lemons, eggs, olives, turds)”. This was one of those cases.

I wanted a drink. I had rum. I had orange juice and limes. I had Angostura bitters (a gift from a friend who visited Trinidad/Tobago FOUR YEARS AGO — boy, that stuff keeps). I turned to the Playboy’s Host and Bar Book (they should really start paying me for advertising) and flipped through the rum section to find out what could be made with what I had. Bee’s Knees! Yay! And look! It’s a “speakeasy heirloom whose orange accent is most mellow”! Mmmm…I’m’a’gonna make it!

So I did and it was very good. Very, very good. Delicious in fact. And it was no lie about the “most mellow” orange accent. ‘Twas a delight.

HOWEVER, when I turned to the internet just now to research this here web copy, maybe find out about the history, the etymology, some variations, you know how I do, I found that every other recipe for this drink in the whole damn world uses honey! Blast! Of course it does; that’s the only way the name makes sense! Most other recipes also use gin, NOT RUM! So this is all fake?!

Damnit, Hef!

You embarrassed me for the last time. I’m taking my thong-kini and I’m going home. And I’m taking that luxury beach towel there. Oh and I’m also taking this bottle of rum and these oranges so I can comfort myself with fake Bee’s Knees Cocktails all night long.

Fake Bee’s Knees Cocktail

• 1 1/2 oz light rum (or dark rum, or gin)
• 3/4 oz orange juice
• 1/2 oz lime juice
• 1 t sugar (honey would make this authentic)
• 2 dashes orange bitters (or regular ones; fuck it!)
• Orange peel

Shake rum, juices, sugar, bitters together with ice. Strain into a cocktail glass. Twist orange peel over drink and drop it in. Drink it poolside, or smoky, underground, jazz club-side. Either way, fake or not, this is still a charming cocktail and I’d recommend it to anyone. Even babies.

No, not really babies.

Babies should drink milk.

Or eggnog.

Or sherry; it’ll put them to sleep.