Vegetarian Valentine’s Day Menu for Under $15

Guess what’s coming up? It’s Valentine’s Day! Everyone’s favorite! This year instead of taking your special friend out to dinner and a movie, why not try staying at home with your special friend for dinner and doing it? I promise you’ll be glad you did! Try this simple and inexpensive vegetarian menu plan.

When I think of the perfect meal to precede a late-night round of the horizontal tango, a few requirements come to mind. Number One: it should be fairly easy to make, so that even the most amateur of kitchen amateurs can impress their date without breaking a sweat and looking very uncool. Number Two: it should not include anything that’s going to get stuck in your teeth. Nobody wants to kiss you if you have shit in your teeth but nobody wants to see you floss, either, so it’s a bad deal all around. Number three: it should not make anyone feel like going to sleep after dinner. This means no Hamburger Helper, no turkey dinner, and definitely no roofies. Got that???

This menu meets these requirements and if you can find a decent six-dollar bottle of white, will only set you back about 15 clams. How’s that for saying “I love you”! Here’s the deets:


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  • Yield: 4 1x


  • 1lb linguine
  • 2 large (softball sized) onions, red, yellow and/or white, whatever. Slice them real thin.
  • 3T olive oil
  • 1/2 t salt
  • 2 cloves garlic, chopped
  • 1/2 c white wine
  • 1 t red pepper flakes
  • 1 can artichoke hearts, drained and quartered
  • 1/2 c parsley, roughly chopped


  1. Start a large pot of water to boil for the pasta.
  2. Heat oil over medium heat.
  3. Add onions and salt and cook, stirring every few minutes for 10-15 minutes until wilted and beginning to brown.
  4. Reduce heat to low and cook, stirring occasionally for 30 minutes more. Add garlic, red pepper and wine, scraping pan to get all the sugary onion brownings. (I made that word up.) Let the wine reduce to less than half, which may take about 10 minutes – perfect amount of time to add your pasta to the boiling water and set your timer!
  5. Add artichoke hearts to the sauce mixture and allow to simmer until the pasta has been cooked and drained.
  6. Toss sauce with drained pasta and put about 2 tablespoons of parsley on each serving.
  7. You could also throw on some parmesan. You also might want to add salt at the table.


If you’re really just serving two people, you will probably want to cut this recipe in half. It’s not a problem.

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Beautiful Salad

  • Grapefruit
  • Oranges
  • Hearts of palm (OMG. Get it? “Hearts”? Like Valentine’s hearts? I am too funny!)
  • Red leaf lettuce
  • Olive oil
  • Salt

Peel fruits and cut into supremes. (Watch the video to see what the hell that is.) Put some lettuce in a bowl, add the hearts of palm and supremes. Mix a teaspoon or so of oil with the citrus juice remaining in the bowl and salt it. Pour this dressing over the salad right before serving.


  1. Sarah on February 11, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    I love your show! You are hot! Please email me naked photos of you for valentine's day.

  2. Hilah Cooking on February 12, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    Sarah, what is your email address, please?

  3. Cody on October 28, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    I just found your site and I’m not going to lie it makes my life complete.

    • Hilah Cooking on October 29, 2010 at 1:11 pm

      Thanks, Cody! That’s a great compliment! (I’m blushing)

  4. Eliza on November 6, 2010 at 1:54 am

    Hilah, you’ve probably been asked this a bazillion but what’s your tattoo of?

    p.s. your videos give me major LOLs

    • Hilah Cooking on November 6, 2010 at 2:30 am

      Oh Eliza, the only reason I get asked that is because I’m an idiot and I drew it myself. It’s an anchor — supposed to be an anchor anyway. I’m a dumbass.
      Glad to give you the LOLs!

  5. Penelope on February 7, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    Hilah, you are fabulous! I’m crazy about your website, which I found thanks to those haters over at Chik-fil-A (I guess something good came out of that whole stinkin’ thing). BUTT, I have to say that onions, garlic, and pasta are not my idea of a good pre-horizontal tango food! I would have a food baby before any shenanigans had even come close to happening.

    My idea of good kissing food would look like this: Cucumber, red pepper, and cilantro with a light Asian vinaigrette; your beautiful fresh spring rolls; fresh fruit salad with loads of mango, pineapple, & strawberries; and mojitos (mint!). That will keep the breath fresh and tasty.

    • Hilah on February 8, 2013 at 11:20 am

      That sounds GOOD, Penelope! Especially the mojitos. Great thinking. 🙂

  6. Melissa on May 23, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    Hello, Hilah,

    I came to read your remarks about tinned sardines (thank you!), then wandered to Linguine with Clams (linguine with white clam sauce is one of my faves at a friend’s restaurant), then came to this page. This dinner looks like so much fun, and so flavorful. I can’t comment on the horizontal tango, as those days are 20 years behind me.

    Keep on cookin’!

    • Hilah on May 24, 2014 at 9:43 am

      Heehee! Thanks for taking a look around, Melissa! Let me know if you try this or another recipe. Happy cooking!

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