How To Make Cheeseburgers
In perfect opposition to last week’s veggie burgers, I present cheeseburgers! Yay! The All-American pastime. Just kidding, if we all spent all our free time eating cheeseburgers, we’d be like the fattest nation on earth! Oh …Wait …
Well, whatever. One delectable homemade cheeseburger won’t kill you and if it does…what a way to go, right?!
How To Make Cheeseburgers
Simple is best when it comes to burgers
- Yield: 4 1x
- 1 pound ground chuck (for a luscious burger you want a 80/20 ratio; that is, 80% lean and 20% fat. But you can go leaner for a less fat-tastic burg)
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon pepper
- 4 thin slices of cheez
- With your hands, mix the meat up with the salt and pepper. Mix it good, but gently. Mix it well, but watch yourself, buddy, and don’t mash it all violently. Use discretion.
- Divide into four even portions. Form into thin patties, about 5″ across.
- Heat a heavy skillet or an outdoor grill to real hot. If you’re using a leaner meat than 80/20, brush a little oil on the skillet or grill, or just right on the meat patties.
- Put your burgers on the skillet or grill and cook for about 4 minutes, until the sides start to look cooked (that is, gray and not red).
- Flip em and cook another 2 minutes.
- Put the cheese on there and cook another 30 seconds to a minute.
- Serve like you are supposed to. Like, on a bun with lettuce and tomato and onions and pickles and mustard and whatever else. Then eat it up with a pile of chips and 5 beers. Then take a nap in the sun and bask in its warmth knowing that all is right with the world.
P.S. I forgot I promised a funny story about cheeseburgers. Umm, I guess I don’t really have one, though. Sorry about that. I hope that in its stead, you will accept a kind of lewd, only slightly funny story about puppy love and sausage wraps. You don’t have to read it.
Okay, so when I was 16, I went to Corpus (that’s Corpus Christi for non-Texans) to visit one of my best friends from middle school. It was Summer break I guess. She introduced me to this totally hot boy from her class. It was obviously meant to be since we both loved Nirvana, and also Sun Chips. We were on a tight love schedule since I was only going to be in town for a week and things progressed pretty quickly. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this. At any rate, I’ve started.
So, we were hanging out all day, everyday, at the beach and making out and stuff all over the place. (Sorry, Rachel. I know. Grody.) I ended up at his house one afternoon. And I mean that in the totally high school way — like, it was his bedroom in his mom’s house. We “messed around” a bunch, as they say. (Do kids still say that? I dunno. Doesn’t matter.) Then his mom invited me to stay over for dinner. It was kind of awkward, since there had just been some very adult behavior going on upstairs without her knowledge. She thought I was a very nice girl. Then she served sausage wraps. So maybe she did know what was going on upstairs. The End.